Wednesday, 26 November 2014

The Tokyo Comedy Store: November 2014

I completed my three gigs at The Tokyo Comedy Store this week and they were, as always, an unqualified success!!

I arrived at The Comedy Club with my caravan of go-go girls, performing bears, trampoline, and unfrocked priests at 10.00pm!

The streets were already crammed with well-wishers, fans and followers - all of whom hoped to catch a glimpse of me without my make-up!!

I adjourned to my dressing-room to address myself to the task of selecting the most desirable virgins provided for my sport!

I handed out well over a million signed photographs and ‘Rob Gotobed is A Terrifically Exciting Lover!’ T-shirts!!

Once inside the Comedy Club you could sense the tension and excitement that thrilled through the expectant crowd of 80,000!

Every available space inside The Club was filled and outside tickets were exchanging hands for $50,000 each!!

I can’t keep this pretence up a moment longer - and I suspect most of you suspected I was making it all up anyway!!

The reality was that I arrived early, walked the wind-swept streets of Tokyo alone, and played soccer against a derelict building!!

Oh, the loneliness of the long distant stand-up comedian since his excommunication from his beloved BBC!!

Anyway, I just want to say thank you to EVERYONE who came to see my shows at The Tokyo Comedy Store.

You Japanese guys were FANTASTIC, thanks for being so incredible and nice! I had an AWESOME time!!

Tokyo the only show where I got 1500 individual standing ovations! ….One at a time, as audience left mid-show!!

Due to audience demand, I will now be closed on Thursday afternoons throughout the rest of 2014!!

PS: Maybe it’s just me, but I believe the sport of Fencing would be a lot more interesting if it was just one guy versus a beehive!!

Thanks Tokyo! Hope to see you again soon!!

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Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Rob Gotobed: 22 Things You Never Knew!

1. Rob Gotobed is one of the few people who believe Roger Rabbit was guilty.

2. American scientists are working on a robot Rob Gotobed to go and entertain the unmanned drones in Afghanistan.

3. Rob believes that everything he draws with his magic crayon comes to life.

4. On one occasion Rob successfully breastfed an injured giraffe back to health.

5. Every night Rob goes to sleep with both middle fingers up - just in case a burglar breaks in during the night.

6. Rob actually believes that it was Zorro who put the mark on Harry Potter's forehead.

7. Rob once ruptured a disc playing Rock Band: Roadie Edition.

8. Rob is banned from the Deadwood branch of Dunkin’ Donuts.

9. Rob says, “The hardest thing about being the REAL JAMES BOND is not telling the world”

10. Rob Gotobed thought he once heard a moped approaching but it turned out to be 600 bees on a regular bicycle.

11. Rob thinks there's no nicer feeling than urinating into a bottle. But other times he hates his job at the brewery.

12. After every comedy performance, his favourite treat is to lick his testicles clean with his tongue.

13. He once ate a very small bus.

14. In 2010, Rob Gotobed claimed to have discovered the clitoris and invented the wheel.

15. In 2011, he claimed he had found the Holy Grail - which he now keeps safe in his girlfriend’s handbag.

16. In 2012, he claimed it was ‘he’ who took the bite out of the Apple logo.

17. Rob has two sets of testicles, neither of which are his own.

18. According to reliable sources, Rob Gotobed’s naked body looks like the discount rack in an Old Navy store.

19. Rob Gotobed has a pet dolphin called Russell which he keeps in a hutch he built himself.

20. According to his Management, Rob Gotobed will completely shed his skin up to five times during his comedy shows.

21. Every Thursday evening Rob likes to go to his local McDonald’s just for the free mustard sachets.

22. Rob Gotobed claims to be the only person on Earth who knows the real identity of Superman.

NB. All facts were correct at time of going to press.

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